First of all, let me acknowledge that I have a wonderful, loving and supportive boyfriend who is doing his absolute best to support us both on one salary. He is sweet and caring and I am lucky and grateful to have him.
I am feeling a bit lonely and bored lately in general. I of course do not want to bother Jens with this, as he carries a great deal of stress already, and the last thing I want to do is make him worry about me. But– I have been in this country for just over a month now, and I have yet to make any “regular” friends. I am still very dependent on Jens for everything, so it’s difficult for me to go out on my own. I do not have a vehicle, so unless I get up at 4am to ride into work with him, I don’t leave home. It is incredibly isolating.
I look forward to getting a job and making friends, but this does not help me much now, and jobs are difficult to come by when you don’t speak Swedish. Which is another isolating factor. While everyone here knows English, people only use it when speaking directly to me but usually maintain conversations with groups in Swedish, preventing me from participating. I am sure they do not do this on purpose, but it is very difficult from my end to not feel isolated, and I enjoy listening to conversations, even if I do not take part verbally.
So, I spend a lot of time doing housework and yard work, and thinking about all of the creative and fun things I want to do, but not having the inspiration or motivation to do them. I am an extrovert, and I need social stimulation. When I don’t get it, I feel lonely and depressed. So, this is probably one of the hardest things for me in moving to a new country. Even worse, I think, with todays social networking sites. I feel like I am on the outside looking in at all of the fun and adventures people are having, and I find myself missing my friends and family.
I am bound and determined to make this work. I really do love it here, and I love being with Jens. I know that this is just one of those small mountains that I must climb, and it will be better on the other side. But in the meantime, it kinda sucks.