Getting There…

Well, sort of! Let’s just say that I have accomplished “starting.” That is always the hardest thing for me to do- to begin a project. I am sure many people can relate: You have an idea, something that really gets your creative juices flowing- you might write it down, or save it for “later”, but that “later” never actually arrives. Speaking as a perfectionist, it is always incredibly difficult to begin because I know whatever I do, my first attempts will not be up to my personal standard of quality. Therefore, if I cannot do it right the first time, I don’t usually do it at all.

As I get older, however, I realize this is not a productive outlook, and I will live an awfully boring and disappointing life if I do not at least start somewhere. I have decided to look at my situation logically: there are very few prodigies in this world, and I am certainly not one of them. Like every other artist, musician, or entrepreneur before me, I will have to work hard and practice at what I do. I will have to put many hours into my craft, and learn many lessons before I can obtain the confidence and grounding I need to establish integrity in my work. While I honestly feel a bit intimated by this, I also feel elated- I am doing it! I am already accomplishing something, and while my first attempt might not be everything I hoped, it is a beginning, and it is a wonderful beginning.

I have been all over the board for the last few weeks. I was excited in the beginning, and I felt as if nothing would stop me. I had this sense that the excitement and momentum I felt would propel me straight through to stardom, with little to no effort. Reality began to sink in after when I began to cut my first Dream Leaper interview- an off the cuff, impromptu interview with my friend Magpie. I realized that I had not done the kind of preparation I should have going into the interview. I did not consider the questions I would ask her- and found that the piece was not as cohesive as I would have liked. I also did not consider a venue for the interview, and was unaware of my microphones ability to pick up every little sound in a 50mile radius- so the waterfront on a hot summer saturday was a poor choice for sound quality. Furthermore, I made promises about deadlines I could not keep, and did not take into consideration the amount of time it might be to receive photos from Magpie for the piece.

In the end, I learned that pre-production is key in creating a quality video.

The next big issue I found myself running into: lack of belief in myself and in my ability. My inner critics were having a field day with my poor ego- kicking it around like tattered soccer ball. Every time I would edit, the voices would criticize every little detail or error I made. I also began to compare myself and my work to that of others, which let’s face it, is probably one of the most unproductive and pointless things an artist can do. I put off working on it for a while because I was worried it wouldn’t be “good enough” or that I would never finish it (yep- I put off doing it, because I had a fear of not finishing… that old self fulfilling prophecy) I decided to keep working on it, and see where it went.

Last night I found myself focused on plans to create an intro for the video, distracting myself with finding suitable music for the introduction piece. After several hours of searching through creative commons material, I realized that I had wasted all of that time, when I could have been finishing the project at hand. I was procrastinating out of fear that I was almost finished with my first project, and would soon have to share it. This was not productive at all, and my video could stand alone- an intro could come later. I put the finishing touches on the interview, and decided I was done. It was not perfect, but I liked what I had, and I had wasted enough time attempting perfection. I will let it stand alone, and take my lessons with me on the next interview.

This whole process has been an incredible learning experience for me, and it is astonishing to see how far I have come in the last few months. Up until I arrived in Sweden, I was all talk and little to no action. I had great ideas and no motivation behind them. I can thank my dear love, Jens, for teaching me how to be productive. He is such an amazing support in my life, and I am so grateful to have him. Thank you, lovebug. You mean the world to me.


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